Under the Knife Considerations

You guys! Guess what?!??! Losing weight ISN'T the answer to every problem! I know, I'm shocked as well. It turns out that losing weight can also cause problems!

I've lost just a little over 80 pounds in 16 months but somewhere along the way I gained the legs of an elephant. Or, more accurately, like a balloon elephant made by a clown and then discarded by a child and left to deflate, slowly.

Not all over, mind you, just in the upper thighs. You're welcome for the visual in your mind, and you're also welcome for NOT including actual photos.

Basically, my upper thighs are plagued with excess skin that sort of resembles an elephant skin and deflated balloon hybrid.

Besides being a terrible eyesore, it's awfully uncomfortable and is actually causing more problems than before I lost the weight. Rashes, sores, painful rubbing, all that great stuff. So, I went to my regular doctor and he sent me to a plastic surgeon. My ailments could not be prevented or helped by any modern medicine he could dispense.

It turns out that there are not many surgeons in my immediate area who do that sort of surgery (as opposed to a tummy tuck, which most plastic surgeons will gladly do.) So, I ended up down at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics meeting with Dr. Walter Lawrence. I was terribly nervous about the consultation, I babbled though all the questions and felt like a grade-A doofus. Dr. Lawrence was pleasant and I didn't even feel weird letting him look at or manipulate the skin on my inner thighs.

He agrees that I am a candidate for a "thigh lift" and explained the "medial" method he would use.

• A medial thigh lift would involve an incision in the "groin crease" almost circling my entire thigh.
• The skin is then pulled up and smoothed out
• The skin is then sutured into place using dissolving deep tissue sutures
• The excess skin and fat are then removed

That part sounds OK, but it's the recovery that scares the daylight out of me

• The stitches used in part of the procedure are in the "vulvular tissue" and in some cases gravity could pull them down, basically ripping my lady parts all over the place.
• Drainage tubes could be used.
• The incision is in an area quite difficult to keep immobile.
• Movement can irritate the incision, any movement that requires my legs to move laterally or spread apart.
• Sitting can irritate the incision.
• The incision is near my lady parts.
• The incision could become infected.
• Initial recover could last a few weeks, in the case of no complications.
• Bruising and swelling last about a month.
• Complete recovery could take up to 6 months or more.
• Don't forget about the possibility of my lady parts being hurt.

Dr. Lawrence also had no before and after photos that he could show me of this sort of surgery. It's not quite as common as another type of thigh surgery in which an incision is made on the back of the thigh running from the top to the bottom. That sort of surgery is used for when there is more "skin redundancy" down by the knee, which I do not have. Lucky?

So, basically, the way I imagine it is that the skin is cut all around my leg and is then hoisted up like a pair of panty hose made out if flesh. Then the skin is sewn into place like some sort of weird home-made living dead doll, and then the extra is cut off, probably with those scissors that kids use in school with the green or red handles, and then I'm left to get addicted to pain pills and figure out how to get up and down off the toilet without having my vulva rip a seam down to my knees.*

That's pretty much the way I see it.

But, I'm not ruling it out. Nor am I making an appointment for surgery. There are several other factors that need considering too.

Because of the recovery time involved I would need to have the surgery when I have nothing else planned. Right now I have planned (and paid for) a vacation in March and a vacation in July, neither of which I'm willing to risk. So, that pushes my timeline out to the middle of July.

Dr. Lawrence suggests that I get to my "ideal weight" before the surgery. I put that in quotes because it's basically an imaginary number and concept. I guess I'd like to maybe get down another 20 pounds. That would make my total over 100 pounds lost which is,  like, People magazine story worthy.

And, at the end of the day, it's about the money. Had my weight loss been because of a gastric bypass surgery, this plastic surgery would be mostly likely automatically covered by insurance. Because I did all the hard work myself I'm being punished by having to go though a highly annoying approval process. This process involves proving that my condition can't be improved by magical creams and potions that don't exist. Also, begging will be involved. And pleading.

Without the benefit of insurance the surgery will cost just under $8000.00. HOWEVER! If I get any other surgery at the same time the cheaper of the surgeries is half off! I can get my arms done for just $3000.00! And wouldn't that be awesome, having to nurse groin crease incision and 8 inch arm incisions at the same time?! *Sigh*

Here are some before and after photos of thigh lifts. Thigh Lifts
Here is a good example of someone of a similar shape to me but who also had a tummy tuck too. Thigh Lift Example

So, there you have it. I'm now in Step 3 if the Quest for Plastic Surgery (waiting on the insurance company and trying to decide if the risk and recover are worth it.) Stay tuned!

* Of course this isn't an accurate description, just the way my brain was processing the information as the doctor was telling me.